humbled by the call ...

These few weeks have been some very prayerful ones for me ... not that I don't pray frequently but I guess I have been driven to my knees for the task that is ahead of me.

Since taking on the BB/GB chaplaincy role, some of the teachers and officers have been getting in touch with me trying to arrange for meetings to discuss the CE programs for the next half a year. I have been busy and on some days, I really don't want to do anything else besides just resting.

And now that I have volunteered to stand in the gap ( I guess I am the only 'bridge' that is heavy enough in office) to be the temporary chaplain till a new one one comes along ... and thats if we intend to find a new one; I am facing daunting days ahead. Am really fearful of what lies ahead of me - not knowing what to expect, not knowing whether there are unseen and unspoken expectations of me. I just want to serve in whatever small ways I can and just be as faithful as I can be.

I am not the visionary sort of person - I am ... well a team kind of person. Without a team, I guess I may not be able to work well. And because of this, I am afraid ...

The Lord has spoken to me the last few days. First, he used his servant Rev Brooks to remind me with the words "don't give up and Don't give in" and for that I am thankful.

Secondly, I found encouragement in this passage in Our Journey (May 4 2008) which was on 2 Chronicles 2:5-6.
5 "The temple I am going to build will be great, because our God is greater than all other gods. 6 But who is able to build a temple for him, since the heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot contain him? Who then am I to build a temple for him, except as a place to burn sacrifices before him?"

Here is an excerpt of what the writer Crawford W. Loritts shared.

"One of the things I've noticed about truly great Christian leaders is that they never seem to get over the sense of amazement that God would use them and that he would trust them with His assignments. I saw this aspect in Bill Bright, the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ. Also Bill McCartney, the founder of Promise Keepers. I saw it in John Perkins, reputed to be the father of Christian Community Development.
When God gives us an assignment, it should fill us with a sense of humility. This is divine paradox. God trusts us most when we are most aware of our inadequacies. We do need to nurture our abilities and give them all to God. But God trusts us most when we're aware of how inadequate we are. All of us are not really qualified for what God has called us to do. Think about that.
God has an amazing sense of humour. I look at my own life. I am totally unqualified for anything that I have ever done for the Lord, and that's not false humility. When I consider my background, my inadequacies, and all of my imperfections, it's amazing to think that God woould use me as public speaker. Yet He does - and that he will do the same for you. He gives us this priviledge sp that we might honour and glorify Him.
Solomon was feeling some of this in 2Chronicles 2:5-6 when he poured out his heart to God and thanked Him for this enormous priviledge, for which he felt inadequate: "Who am I to do this?"
What do we learn from Solomon's prayer?"

For me, I sense the inadequacy in me as well - the inadequacy of serving the Lord in LP and the schools and the BB/GB companies. I feel so unworthy at times knowing that there are probably others who can do a better job than me? Sometimes doubts fill my mind as to whether I can do anything at all for Him? It's a mammoth task ahead for me I feel.

And yet, the Lord seems to be preparing me for what is ahead. I need to trust in the Lord. I need to look at those who have gone before me - like Solomon, the apostle Paul, his protege Timothy and even YK - to know that the Lord was with them in their different trails in life (TRAIL -The Real Adventure In Life).

Doing Poject Timothy with the Young Adults have opened up my eyes and heart to Paul's message of encouragment to his protege, Timothy. I see myself as a Paul entrusting the gospel to the young Timothys (the young adults) in LP and entrusting them to do the same wherever they are in their ministry. Yet at the same time, I see myself like a young Timothy myself entrusted with that same responsibility to share the gospel with the schools and Young adults of LP and feeling the very same fears that Timothy felt when Paul entrusted the churches to him.

Paul sensed Timothy's feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence. He was also timid and shy. Timothy also had a recurring stomach problem which Paul encouraged him to have some wine to help (which I have been doing quite often I must say).

I had the opportunity to attend the Graduation Service of both Trinity Theological College and Singapore Bible College two weeks ago and the interesting thing was that both school Principals used the same charge Paul gave to Timothy to all the graduating students.

2 Timothy 4:1-5
1In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."

this was another ancouragement to me because those were the very same words that I heard at my own graduation in May 2007 (how time flies ...).

And today as I read the scriptures again, the following verse came through in Psalm 147:10-11.

[10] His delight is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his pleasure in the speed of a runner;
[11] but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him,
in those who hope in his steadfast love.

It's another reminder from the Lord that serving him is not about having the abilties and strengths of a horse or how fast I can get things done. But what the Lord desires is really we his servants fearing Him and putting our hope in His steadfast love no matter what happens.

Just like the question that Solomon posed: "But who is able to build a temple for him, since the heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot contain him? Who then am I to build a temple for him, except as a place to burn sacrifices before him?"

Just like Solomon, I ask myself who am I to serve the Lord as his servant. The Lord who can move mountains and feed the many sparrows can also choose others to do his work. Yet he has given me this opportunity to serve Him. I can only serve him with much fear and trembling but I do know he whom he has chosen He will also prepare and uphold.

I often tell the young adults that all I will want to do in LP is to be faithful in the small things. I do not have big objectives or high aims in ministry. All I will want to do is "for the Lord to use me in whatever small ways I can".

In the words of Crawford W. Loritts who shared in the earlier devotion above, she said in closing, "We do not deserve to be used of God. We're just humble instruments and channels of his love and blessing to others. We are unworthy servants serving an all-worthy God."

Something for us to think about:
How do I respond when God calls me to do something for which I feel totally inadequate?

On another note, Boon designed yet another award winning tshirt for the BB camp. I must say that this friend of mine is a genius when it comes to design. Seriously, he should consider quitting his present job and work from home and just design tshirts. His design probably was meant as another encouragement from the Lord in my fears and struggles in ministry.

I am equally impressed with his explanation of his design.
"The design concept -
1. The Fist represents TO PERSEVERANCE (I gather he meant 'To Persevere')
2. The Cross represents GOD as our strength and HE is the main focus of our faith in time of trials.
3. The Circle means Complete, it is full with no starting and ending, not lacking of anything."

Boon, kudos to you for your inspiring design. May you continue to stick close to God always and may He always watch over you and Fern.



I pray that my simple and humble sharing may encourage some of you reading this. To God be all Glory, Honour and Praise.